Yesterday was a rough day. Because 1) I was exhausted from squeezing-in errands and all the travels going from Hagonoy to Baliuag to Mandaluyong to Malolos in one day. 2) I was beginning to feel anxious from overflowing thoughts and sick from all the negative nostalgic vibes I try hard not to entertain and yesterday the cloud was just too thick. 3) I deleted my Facebook app because I cannot deal with all the negativity for months now and yesterday was a tipping point.

Since one of my goals was to write more, here goes the stories behind these three and how they got sorted out:

I chose Starbucks as my waiting area after yesterday’s mad travels. I sat there enjoying my Soy Green Tea Latte, grabbed a piece of paper, prayed, and scribbled thoughts that have been clouding my mind recently. Faced with major decisions, I was unsure if I’m taking the right path. But I fought through the cloud and assessed my situation. I’ve always liked me-time because it’s when I get to answer questions and issues I’m currently dealing with.

At the end of my two-hour reflection, I was able to reach a conclusion. That place I was in the past few months made perfect sense for me but I wasn’t fully-prepared for it. And as a new set of priorities unfold before me, what makes sense today is the path I chose to take. However since I know I would always want to be in that same environment in the future, I went on working on a draft plan on how I can achieve that. Now my challenge is to commit to the yearly goal and polish the wire-frame as I go.

SETTLED.


It’s been an arduous internal battle: I want to leave social media but I can’t because I need it for the business because it’s the inevitable new technology.

I know it’s impossible to leave the platform so I tried other ways, and the perfect move was— to change my algorithm. I went onboard with the process and it’s a continuous work to this day, refining things along the way and it’s actually been working fine. I highly recommend it.

You see, I have always been trusting of people and I always try to look at them in high standard and respect despite the obvious red flags. But yesterday was a new low. Every single day I go outside, I see the reality of how uneducated people can act. And how discipline, manners, and respect were now just words stripped of their meanings; no longer put to use.

Social media has the ability to magnify things and I’ve seen it magnify humanity’s lack of discipline, manners, and respect these days; how a number of us have become lost causes. So I was one step into leaving social media because I’m done with lost causes. But today one person changed that. One person showed me there still are people out there who are forward-thinkers who would rather be constructive and positive instead of throwing a fit.

REDEEMED.


As for my exhaustion from traveling, I slept a good 7.5hrs straight and a few more untracked ones.

RESTED.

• Plain
• Honey mustard
• Spicy
• Korean BBQ

• Kimchi
• Baby potato
• Fish cake
• Radish salad
• Japchae/ Chapchae
• Potato Salad
• Onion
• Lettuce
• Cucumber salad
• Rice

How cute are group photos, right?! I am feeling some huge sepanx from the crew right now.

So, after the temple, of course we went to the beach! I had about two bottles in between swimming so, yeah, you can only imagine how much fun I was having whilst riding the waves and swimming my way through each. This was the time when I was reaaaaaally really loving Bintang. Also, I guess because I was kind of out of my head, I was hit by a really strong wave and — oh dear me — I was laughing so hard because I was literally smashed back to the shore. There were definitely pangs of pain but who cares that was so cool I was alive. Lol. Another fun part was when we played beach volleyball until I injured myself. One local was trying to hit on me after the game and I said no in the nicest way possible. Lol.

I think this is also the same day we decided we will pursue the Ata Bag business. Fun times!


But in between all of that fun was a not-so-fun story.

In the midst of having all the fun in the world, I had a panic attack. I couldn't explain what I'm feeling and I am beyond any help my friends could offer. I was shaking and I wanted to cry but I couldn't feel anything. It's no joke. And to think I had an attack whilst I was in an environment where I am having so much fun and enjoying myself, you can only imagine how it feels in a stressful and uncomfortable environment.

The feeling was building up for three days until it bursted and I was all over the place.

Take care of your mental health. Stop pushing yourself too hard. It may not feel much today but it will take a toll on you one day and you wouldn't want that day to come.

Still thankful I come out alive from each attacks I get — cheers!





That's our classic Ata Bag! Lovely, innit!?


Probably the only selfie I had from Bali. Having too much fun!




Watch the following videos and listen to my friends scream at me and learn why!


Of course I need to have one. Thankful for supportive photo-ops friends!




Group photos yayyyyy!


I just realised we were all wearing floral clothes?! Botanical, if not floral, okay. Except Mark. Eghhh, Mark you need to coordinate next time. Lol.

L–R: Rand, Mark, the me, Jov, Thea, Jaer

Ahh! I miss the group!

Day 8 — Flight back to Philippines. A longer journal entry. Until this time I was pondering on a very important decision.

I am a sleeper inside aircrafts. The moment I sit on my chair, I just automatically doze off — of course after checking for the air sickness bag. Ehehehe. But this time I couldn't sleep. I was so pumped up with ideas! I was drafting stuff for our Ata Bag business. I came up with our brand name mid-air. I have made plans for the next weeks. I am ready to go through things! Toughest and roughest decision I made but I was finally at peace and happy.