date with Jackie Gan
Saturday, June 18, 2016
Today, I went on a date with Jackie and we talked about several stuff. I am currently in a situation where I know I need to find someone to be held accountable for my actions and to remind me at the same time. I was thinking of people to tell about this situation and Jackie was the first person to come into my mind. I do not even know why since we do not share an intact friendship. Fast forward to Friday of 3:45pm, we were at Vaneaty and talking about my concern. Little did I know that other parts of my life would also be ministered during the encounter. I am writing this so I may be able to look back and be reminded of what we talked about and all the revelations that came with it.
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Issue: I am confused about the reason I am leaving the country.
My take home: I would not simply be working on a day job forever when I get to Abu Dhabi, Jackie said that I am in my season where God is dealing with my issues. She said that the emptiness I feel cannot be filled by friends, relationships, or spiritual family here in the Philippines. Jackie pointed out that the emptiness I feel can only be dealt and filled by my parents. The reason why I will be leaving the country is to have a fresh start, a new beginning, a blank page. I am broken, but God is already dealing with my issues and is on the process of restoring me. She said Abu Dhabi will be the place where I will be whole again, because God will make it happen. And I should be excited because by the time I will be going back to the Philippines next year, I will be a different person. A healed and complete person.
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Issue: My friend is in a situation which is somewhat identical to what I've been through and she would not open up to anyone except me.
My take home: I will be the one used by God to help her and minister to her. I was shattered into pieces because of an ultimate purpose -- and that is to minister to women especially those in the same situation. I know how it feels to be trapped in that box. I know how it feels to be tied and lied by the enemy. I am not pulling of a god-like status but clearly we have confirmed that I am the only person who can help because my friend looks up to me and trusts me like no other. So, help me God.
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Issue: My past relationship loop.
My take home: I have been under all sorts of devastating aftermath of a breakup. I was depressed, I lost my self-worth, I lost my way in life, I was too into my past relationship I had put all my energy and identity into it. That, my friends, was the most terrible thing I have ever done in my life. It has left me shattered and pulverized I can no longer stand up without breaking myself one step after another. But thank God for His Grace, I have been resurrected from the ashes like Dumbledore's Phoenix (guys if you know this reference we are now instant friends). You see, we cannot fathom God's plan and purpose for a person; it is just plain brilliant. Jackie said that God has to break me in order to restore me. Talk about extremes, right! It turns out that the most terrible decision in my life was an essential part of God's plan for my life! Three weeks ago, I was delivered from it. Thanks to Ate Gia for being my sharp-tongued second mother who made me cry buckets of tears (which proved I still have emotions back then lol) and helped me in my repentance process. It has long been obvious that my past relationship was toxic, we were only inflicting wounds to each other regardless the intentions. Simply because it was wrong. It is sad to think that a four-year romantic relationship would end up in ashes, but it just had to happen. My only prayer is that we both find God at the end of this constant battle, and that he will be delivered from all the pain and lies as well. He was a good-hearted person, but we just had it wrong. Since that relationship, I swore not to hurt anyone anymore. Little did I know I was being poisoned by the enemy again. I have heard lies like you are not beautiful, nobody will ever accept you, nobody will love you again, you are incapable of loving anymore, stuff like that. Jackie even pointed out that just by listening to one lie, I am headed to being deafened and blinded by the enemy. But thanks to God's grace, I am now able to pull myself together little by little with the help of family and friends. Now, my prayer is for my cup to be filled with God's love that all I can do is overflow and share it.
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